Relocation is one of the most extensive life transformations anyone can make. It’s confusing just to try to list the changes one faces—not to mention coping with all of them at once. It’s a multi-faceted challenge: you’re facing a new job (sometimes even a new occupation), sometimes a new language, a new social culture, the need to make new friends —almost everything in your daily life is new except for the people who came with you (usually partner and/or children, at most), and these relationships may change also. We aren’t usually called upon to handle so many significant changes at once.
Many people relocate with the tacit expectation that it’s a new start with a clean slate, and hope that their problems will disappear: unlike their previous life, they’ll have a steady job, find the right relationship, find harmony with their partner or kids. These people are likely to be disappointed. We bring our personalities with us, and characteristic difficulties don’t just disappear. On the contrary, the strain of coping with so many challenges at once can intensify the difficulty of each. When this happens counseling can help clarify both the disappointment and the realistic positives of the situation.
On the up side, new starts naturally arouse strong energy and the motivation to use it to build good new things. Relocation is an opportunity to restart some things and do them differently. Which means that one’s initiative and creative energies are working full time. You are probably at your best: enthusiastic, full of hope, willing to make unusual efforts.
There is great potential here for growth and self-fulfillment. Sometimes in the flush of excitement and anticipation, we forget that we have left behind people we love, sights and sounds that gave us pleasure for many years, comfort corners like favorite foods and music and t.v. shows. Some people feel that “looking on the bright side” is important to keep up morale. Even so, it’s a good idea to leave room in our minds for the feelings of loss that are inevitable when leaving behind a familiar setting and the social capital built over years. Recognizing our sadness makes it less potent, not more.
Relocating with a family creates a lot of stressors, since each family member is having to reorganize their lives at the same time. It can put special stress on the parental unit, since parents need to devote time and energy to helping each kid settle in while dealing with their own challenges. One partner may have an easier time than the other, causing a period of imbalance.
Relocation counseling is for those who feel they are having more difficulty than they anticipated, and that they want a neutral, supportive setting within which to examine what’s happening and how they can best handle it. It works for individuals and couples.
Consistent, non-intrusive, non-judgmental support
Guidance in inventorying your inner resources
Exploration of practical actions that can improve your coping
Exploration of pluses and minuses in your present life situation
Exploration of emotional issues from the past that are affecting your mood and coping behavior now
Where relevant, strengthening the couple unit
Currently working online or outdoors (Walking Therapy, in Oakland or Alameda, CA).
You’re welcome to contact me for a free preliminary consultation.